5 year olds in love, part 2

I don’t know what I’ve done but my 5 year old has some notions about friendship and love that is incongruent with my ideals, I think. Let me explain.
One day, he started talking about his best friends and listed many of the boys in his preschool class. I asked him if any of his best friends were girls and he said yes and listed a few- excluding his fiancée. “Trouble in paradise,” was my first thought. So of course, nosy me had to probe a little deeper. As usual, I was asking for trouble.
I asked, “What about Ava? Is she one of your best friends?”
He quickly responded, “No. I’m going to marry her,” in a matter of fact tone. Huh? I asked if they still played together and he said sometimes but they each had their own best friends. Now, I’m a little lost. Does he know the difference between friendship and romance? If so, how? Does he think that there are the girls you are friends with and the girls you date? I don’t think that I ever communicated that unless he realizes that I have female friends but his mommy is different. Or is he objectifying and depersonalizing woman who he wants to be romantically involved with? Does he not see friendship as part of being married?
So I started trying to clarify and explain marriage and dating and relationships…to my 5 year old. Not the best idea but I felt like I had to do something before he cemented any bad ideas into his perception on married relationships that would only cause trouble later In life for him and the unfortunate woman who dated him. Isn’t that awful to say about your own kid? Bad dad! Bad dad!
So I told him that when you are married, your wife is the best friend you have ever had but even more special. I then went into how if you find someone special, you want to spend more time with them. I stopped myself there and realized I was getting into a conversation about dating with a 5 year old boy. So I did what only a dad in his right mind would do. I told him that he needed to go talk to his mother.
I was never smooth with dating and relationships before marriage. In fact I was pretty awful. I only wish I can teach him what I learned (what little I learned before I lucked out in meeting his mother). I want to save him the pain and embarrassment. I also want to spare his significant others the pain as well. I have a feeling this kid will need some help because he’ll be one of those guys who always falls in love. God help us all when that starts happening.

Boys and sports.

So my boys very quickly developed a passion for baseball. At 3 and 5 years old, they have chosen to follow a specific baseball team – the Red Sox (please avoid having a polarized reaction). They know the players by face, number, batting line up and field position.
I followed the Mets for a period time in grade school but lost interest to my family’s chagrin. My family is obsessed with sports, especially baseball. I was the misfit but somehow I passed on the obsession. Can it be genetic? Did I encourage this without realizing it?
In any event, my boys’ enthusiasm has ignited a passion for baseball in me. I actually enjoy watching the games that previously annoyed and bored me. An example was that I was hit in the face by an overthrow to first base one time while reading at one of my brother’s baseball game. A classic family story.
Well, my boys enthusiasm has motivated me to make some major investments. We bought the MLB extra innings package to watch all the games, watched their big cousin’s baseball game, went to a minor league game, and play baseball daily. My kids won’t even go swimming this summer because they insist on playing baseball instead. The largest investment was that the whole damn family went to a Red Sox game at Fenway in Boston. Although frequented by my family, this was my first trip to see the Red Sox. It was expensive but so much fun. We did make many trips to the bathroom. We missed the 7th inning stretch because my boys had their pants, socks and shoes off both trying to poop at the same time as usual. (You knew that I had to have a potty story in here somewhere). In any event, I think a trip to Fenway will be at least an annual event in my family.
I wince with anxious anticipation mixed with excitement about what other sports seasons will bring. I had some foreshadowing when my 5 year old saw ESPN Sports Center one day. He saw basketball and soccer clips and wanted to watch both. Since the boys play baseball in the house to act out the games that they see, I’m a little nervous about football. Oh we’ll, we’ll see what happens.

The evolution of the male problem.

Advanced warning: This is more immature humor aka our life living with boys.

As I mentioned before, my sons are very interested in self genital stimulation. My 3 year old now announces every time he has an erection.
“Mommy! Daddy! My penis is big” in a whiny sing song voice.
Frequently the conversation is more elaborate. One day, while he was whining about having a big penis he said that he didn’t like it. I had had enough of the conversation and responded with:
“One day you will like having a big penis.”
Once again, a bright shiny moment in in parenting. I sometimes can’t believe that I give other people advise on raising children.

Reason #752 Why I am a bad dad

The popular consensus seems that Frozen has cursed parents around the world.  Yes, I am able to recite every line and sing every lyric because of the continual loop that the movie plays in our home.  Or should I say, “played” until now.  We actually had a few days off without a Frozen viewing.  I’m the one who brought it back.    You see, it’s around 90 minutes of kids being occupied, that allows me to do other things.  The movie is not just for watching but is an interactive experience for the whole family.  Here is where I take parenting badness to a new level.  I recite every word and sing all the songs with the kids while not paying attention to the movie at all.  I can do things like reading, playing games on my phone, folding laundry, zoning out or even writing this blog.  So my children think I’m interacting with them.  This is my revenge for all the times that I spend talking to a brick wall, er, I mean, my kids.

As usual, my 3 year old must have sensed weakness.  He just took off out of the room and is trying to wake up my wife.  I need to take off and retrieve the human alarm.

He agreed to come back only after I said I would say all the lines if he didn’t come downstairs with me.  That is a major violation in his eyes.  I am continually reminded not to say the lines but am allowed to sing the songs.

You see, today’s viewing was initiated after he woke me up at 4am for breakfast and to watch the Grinch cartoon twice.  Then a request for chocolate milk.  He also has been playing on the iPad with a never-ending dialogue that I’m continually asked to confirm his statements and comment on the TV, iPad or general philosophies of life.  And I admit, all of these early morning activities contribute to the reasons that I am a bad parent.  I think I’ve violated at least 6 recommendations that I, as a pediatrician, am supposed to make to parents.

Oh and by the way: I suggested Frozen this morning and I am the one who started the soundtrack in the car yesterday.  I still like Frozen and exist in a state somewhere between thoroughly entertained and driven slightly insane by the movie and or kids.

The life and times of men’s birthday presents

As I recently celebrated a birthday, I began to think about my birthdays from when I was little to the present day. The traditions of cake, candles and singing “Happy Birthday” are consistent standards I have experienced through the years. I noticed some things that have changed and evolved over time.

First, the presents have changed. I assume that when I was a one year old, I received toys to drool over, literally. Then, toys to play with and act out different cartoon and movie character plots were the theme. The tween and teen years were full of music and clothes. Both were questionable based on who they came from. College usually had some alcohol theme. The after college years were more low key. Going out to eat with drinks was usually the case, if I did anything at all. The material goods faded into the past with the occasional gift of clothes from my parents which were more appropriate for my tween years. When I was married, the gifts were more personal – something from my wife which she knew I would like whether or not the idea ever occurred to me.
Then we had kids. The whole day became about the kids. The cake, candles, song and presents were all about the kids. I actually received toys and DVDs that were for the kids. My cake was covered in action superheroes that the kids watch on tv.

I may sound bitter but let me make my point. On my birthday, I want to celebrate with the people I love. I am thrilled to see the kids’ excitement over the birthday festivities and the presents. I appreciate the time and effort that my wife puts into making my birthday special for the family when she’s so busy with work and the kids. Seeing my family happy, excited and laughing is the best gift I could receive.

I think that might make me mature, old and sappy sentimental but that is what this old man is turning into. I look forward to the many other birthdays that this family will celebrate together.

A day off is anything but…

Some people think that a day off from work is a time to relax and recharge. Some see it as a time to do something fun. The truth is that sometimes by the end of the day off, there is part of you that wishes you went to work.

Today was my oldest son’s 5th birthday. My wide and I decided to take the day off and do something special for our family. We truly had the best intentions.

We knew that we had to prep for our day off the night before. This started with dropping the minivan off with a list of 5 things needed to be done including a 6 month overdue oil changes and 3 recall repairs from 2 years ago. A fun ride to the repair shop with a Frozen sing along spiraled out of control. There were fights over which song should be played and what vehicle they wanted to ride in. The 3 year old screamed and sobbed all the way home. Don’t worry, we tried to sing over him.

Then we had to finish the Valentine’s project for school. My 5 year broke the news of his engagement to me. He said that grown ups get married. So he was going to wait for his preschool fiancé to be older before they exchanged vows. I guess he was ready to commit now. After glitter paint, stickers and the treacherous (for him and me) signing his name 23 times, the project was completed.

Then, we had to make cupcakes for preschool. But then we had to also make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cake. My wife and I made the brilliant decision to use 2 different flavor a for each project and work with 1 egg short. I ended up baking half of a second batch of cupcakes by using a calculator to divide all of the ingredients in half. This is where the nerd in me kicked in. Checked one more thing off the list.

Next was taking on the nightly battle to make the children to sleep. It usually is a 2-3 hour process. As exhausted parents, we frequently give in more than we should. I switched beds with my 3 year old four times before he went tied sleep. Yes, that’s right. I am a pediatrician who lets my kids drag me around the house and even into out bed so that they will go to sleep. We lay down in bed with them, give them food and drinks in bed and even give the 5 year old melatonin. Tonight I rocked my 3 year old to sleep for the second night in a row. I told my wife that we can’t keep this up when the new baby is born. But I’m willing to give in now so that he’ll sleep.

Then we wrapped presents. And our prep was finished.

The Day Off:

Dropped 5 year old off at preschool with show and tell toy, cupcakes and valentines. Had the one victory of of personal satisfaction by having breakfast with my wife at a diner. Then, went to Babies R Us to start a baby registry. We had to trade I. The old car seat that expired and buy a new one. We also went to Target because we do that almost every day. We then picked up the 5 year old at lunch time and brought the birthday boy home. That’s hen the thunderdome started between the brothers and lasted the rest of the day and night. They barely ate dinner, as usual. Neither was interested in birthday cake. Big brother scratched up little brother’s face. This lead to a reading about filling each other’s buckets up.

The end of the day leaves me in the dark room, rocking my 3 year old to sleep. My wife is texting me from another to see if he is sleeping. I’m exhausted and am anything but ready to go back to work tomorrow. We accomplished a lot but I look forward to going to work tomorrow to avoid the thunderdome for a while.