Hug Your Kids

I was rushing to leave my house for work this morning, as usual.  My kids have an innate ability to tell when you need to be moving quickly or are running late.  Rather than sense the urgency and speed up and become more helpful, they stop dead in their tracks.  They do nothing.  If they start to do anything, it will only be activities to thwart your efforts.  Today, my 5 year was lying on top of me like dead weight, drooling on my dress shirt and moaning in response to directions to get dressed and eat breakfast. I was frustrated and determined to finish up the morning routine and leave for work on time.  I dressed him and my wife took over the morning routine activities.  I did make sure to give my kids hugs and kisses and told them that I loved them before I ran out the door.

At work today, I was reminded again and again about how lucky I am to have my wife and kids in my life.  I watched one family mourn for a toddler patient’s mother who died.  The child was scared and her family physically clung to her while crying.  That child would never know her mother.  I’m sure that the child’s mother never thought that she would die tragically that day and her child would have to grow up without her.

I had another family who had child protective services involved with them.  They did not know if their 2 year old child would be coming home with them right up until the moment of discharge.  They were greatly relieved when they were told that their child would be permitted to stay in their care.

Then, I met a 3 year old patient, who I knew, in the hallway of an outpatient office at the hospital.  She lives at a long term care facility for children with complex medical needs.  She smiled and ran down the hallway to me.  We laughed and played.  She was having such a good time running around and saying hi to people.  I am so used to it, that I forgot that people would typically be shocked to see a little child with a trach running around.  But she was a cute child, so most people quickly overcame the initial shock.  I wondered what her parents were thinking.  Were they upset that they couldn’t be close to their child?  Were they afraid of how much care she needs?  Maybe they really could not provide the care that she needs and had to make the difficult decision to have her live away from them.  Did they come visit her and how often?  This little girl is full of joy and life and luckily does not seem to know the difference of not having her parents there.  She is surrounded by people who care for her.

So I want to rush home and hug my kids.  I want to tell them that I love them. I want to not run out the door in the morning.  I want my family to know that I always and will always chose them first.   And I want them to always be loved should anything ever happen to me.

Sorry about this serious, sober and slightly depressing post.  I wanted to pause and point out what’s important because we can too easily forget or lose focus sometimes.

Raising boys and shaking my head

You may think that I’m someone who has regressed (or stayed the same) in the development of potty humor based on my last post and the following.  Maybe you’re right.  But this is my life raising boys.

As a pediatrician, I can tell you that genital self-stimulation is normal at this age but living with the reality is disturbing and embarrassing.  It started when my oldest son was 3.  My wife and I noticed that he kept sneaking his hand down his pants.  We tried to distract him without much success.  We hoped that no one else would notice.  We were sadly mistaken.  His pre-school teacher pulled us aside one day.  She requested that we no longer send him in sweat pants to school and to dress him in jeans in order to decrease his access to his happy place.  We obeyed the teacher and only sent him in the requested attire.  I don’t think it helped at all.  He was determined. He would even fondle himself in his sleep.  My wife and I affectionately refer to him as our “Al Bundy.”

Then, my oldest pride and joy insisted on running naked in the house.  We were usually able to convince him to stay in his underwear.  But he would still play with himself and regularly flash his penis at us.  No conversation was able to dissuade him.  This behavior is also to be expected at this age but none the less, it is difficult to live with.

So we gave up on the battle.  Our son would choose his penis over his parents which I guess is to be expected.  

We thought we had a fighting chance with our second son.  We were sadly mistaken again.  He exhibited all of the same behaviors which were also reinforced by his older brother.  He took it to a new level.  While asleep in his one piece pajamas, he will unzipper them, stick his hand down his diaper and, when finished his business, will zip himself back up.  I was mystified by the feat he pulled off and wasn’t convinced that he was asleep.  In fact, he was asleep.  You can never be prepared to be a parent.

Discussions continue about their privates.  My wife has been the lucky recipient of several questions.  The kids are not satisfied with her directions to ask me, their father, and insist on answers from her.  Our oldest has asked her why there are “balls under his penis” a few times.  He developed a story about how his balls hold up his penis.  We neither confirmed or denied his answer.

These are embarrassing behaviors that come with having boys.  I do not have suggestions of how to best intervene.  Nothing seems to work and only direct more attention to playing with themselves.  I will say that this must be an inborn characteristic.  I am not one of those guys who walks around with his hand down his pants at all.  So I don’t know where they would learn to do this.  I cringe at the thought of what happens when they are teenagers.   As it is, my wife is learning to deal with having boys who wrestle and run around naked.  I don’t know if there is anything I can do to help prepare her for when they’re teenagers.  I don’t even know how to prepare myself.  It ain’t gonna be pretty.

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