I was rushing to leave my house for work this morning, as usual. My kids have an innate ability to tell when you need to be moving quickly or are running late. Rather than sense the urgency and speed up and become more helpful, they stop dead in their tracks. They do nothing. If they start to do anything, it will only be activities to thwart your efforts. Today, my 5 year was lying on top of me like dead weight, drooling on my dress shirt and moaning in response to directions to get dressed and eat breakfast. I was frustrated and determined to finish up the morning routine and leave for work on time. I dressed him and my wife took over the morning routine activities. I did make sure to give my kids hugs and kisses and told them that I loved them before I ran out the door.
At work today, I was reminded again and again about how lucky I am to have my wife and kids in my life. I watched one family mourn for a toddler patient’s mother who died. The child was scared and her family physically clung to her while crying. That child would never know her mother. I’m sure that the child’s mother never thought that she would die tragically that day and her child would have to grow up without her.
I had another family who had child protective services involved with them. They did not know if their 2 year old child would be coming home with them right up until the moment of discharge. They were greatly relieved when they were told that their child would be permitted to stay in their care.
Then, I met a 3 year old patient, who I knew, in the hallway of an outpatient office at the hospital. She lives at a long term care facility for children with complex medical needs. She smiled and ran down the hallway to me. We laughed and played. She was having such a good time running around and saying hi to people. I am so used to it, that I forgot that people would typically be shocked to see a little child with a trach running around. But she was a cute child, so most people quickly overcame the initial shock. I wondered what her parents were thinking. Were they upset that they couldn’t be close to their child? Were they afraid of how much care she needs? Maybe they really could not provide the care that she needs and had to make the difficult decision to have her live away from them. Did they come visit her and how often? This little girl is full of joy and life and luckily does not seem to know the difference of not having her parents there. She is surrounded by people who care for her.
So I want to rush home and hug my kids. I want to tell them that I love them. I want to not run out the door in the morning. I want my family to know that I always and will always chose them first. And I want them to always be loved should anything ever happen to me.
Sorry about this serious, sober and slightly depressing post. I wanted to pause and point out what’s important because we can too easily forget or lose focus sometimes.