Poop and pee

Today’s post, although not explicit, requires the constitution that usually is held by a parent or caregiver for young children.

Let me set the scene for how today went.  My wife and I had a lovely evening last night.  We went to dinner and saw a local off-broadway show.  The boys stayed with my brother and sister-in-law overnight.  I cringed as I called my brother to hear how terrible the night went.  I was surprised and disgusted.  It’s not what you think.  My 5 year old said he was tired at 8:30 and went to bed of his own volition.  My 3 year old soon followed.  They slept through the night and woke up at 7.  For us, they usually fight us for 1-2.5 hours over going to sleep, wake frequently during the night and wake up at 5:30.  Also, my potty-training 3 year old was dry all day and night.  He was reportedly dry all weekend last weekend with his grandparents.  But he pooped and peed his diaper all week with us.  The kids must hate us.

I have further evidence of their contempt for their parents.  Today, I was bombarded by poop and pee from our sons with the assistance of our dogs.

This morning, our family room wreaked of urine.  I couldn’t find where the dogs had urinated. They usually don’t do that inside.  So I ended up shampooing the family room.  There was still a strange smell, so I lit a candle.  Then, the kids wanted to go outside in the warm weather.  I couldn’t blame them but our yard was covered in dog poop.  I went outside and shoveled poop for 30 minutes.  Even though I warned my kids not to step in the poop, they would look right at it and step in it anyway.  That covered the dogs’ contribution to the day.

Even though he peed in his diaper, the 3 year old continually asked to go potty.  I guess I should be happy about this but it was getting old.  Then, my 5 year old went to the bathroom.  A few minutes later, he called out to us. “Guys.  There’s pee on the floor.  It’s spreading all over the place. Someone needs to come clean it up.”

I went in and there was, in fact, urine on the floor.  And yes, it was flowing like a river.  The boy had managed to pee up over the seat and across the bathroom while trying to poop.  After cleaning up the mess, he told me he was done and needed to be wiped.  There was crap all over his butt.  I don’t know how he did it.

The rest of the day, my wife and I kept trying to figure out who had gas.  The suspects included the kids and the dogs.  We were vigilant in preventing another potty incident.  I was tired of dealing with this sh**, literally.  I think that I spent over 2 hours today dealing with all of their pee and crap.

I fear that if this streak doesn’t end today, I’m sure to have any or all of the following events happen to me tomorrow:

1. Go to work with pee and/or poop on my clothes.

2. Get peed and/or pooped on at work.

3.  Smell like pee and/or poop all day.

4. Come home to a literal sh** storm.